An Interview with Kate Upton

Bob Choi

3 March 2012

This reporter had the opportunity to spend a few minutes with Ms Kate Upton, the main attraction of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition of 2012 and this is an excerpt from the recorded conversation. Caution: the following contains descriptions of violence and implicit sex. It's intended for mature and immoral readers only.

"Ms Kate Upton, would you please share with our readers your particular interest in sports?"

Oh, what do you mean?"

"Well, I mean, what kinds of sports are you interested in?"

"Uh..I like hanging-out and shopping and..."

"Yeah, but that's not sports!"

"OK. I run every night from party to party."

"Oh, running! Now that's good. Running is a sport. What else do you do besides running?"

"And I spent a lot of time soaking, uh, I mean... swimming in my bathtub."

"OK. Swimming is certainly a sport. What else?"

"And my favorite is those all-night drinking marathon..."

"Ahh, so you're a marathon athlete! No wonder Sports Illustrated picked you for its front-cover. Good for you!"

"And I so enjoy wrestling with men..."

"Wow, and you wrestle too!"

(At that precise moment, Ms Upton threw herself at this poor reporter, pinned him down on the couch and proceeded to demonstrate her famous stranglehold on him. End of the interview...this was filed by this reporter as he was wheeled into the emergency room. He suffered multiple lacerations as a result of rough handling by Ms Upton.)

This Reporter