Another
Mainland
Peter Wu
Having seen the
Youtube ‘Locust’ video, I was trawling the web to see what kind of shit our
compatriots in
Look, I am not the
cleanest of person linguistically, hygienically and morally, but nothing I have
seen or heard in my 75 years of existence in this planet prepares me for this:
‘Spread to fuck the fruit is a Chinese supermarket
sign translation of sàn gānguǒ (simplified Chinese: 散干果; traditional Chinese: 散乾果; literally "loose dried
fruits").’ Wikipedia.
If I were at this
supermarket, and not understanding a word of Chinese, I would be totally and
absolutely gob-smacked by this sign. But even so, who in the
right mind would translate it as such? Does the translator have a
sense of humour that I don’t have? What planet is he on?
So imagine a
foreigner strolling into the supermarket and being confronted by this sign. (I can assume that this supermarket
caters for both Chinese and non-Chinese customers. If not,
why would they bother to have a sign in both Chinese and English?).
What do you think
will run through their mind? What do you think they will do? Well, I can think of several:
a.
They
fcuk the fruit immediately and without hesitation, as the sign suggests.
b.
They
spread out the fruit and fcuk it. Also without hesitation.
c.
They
wait around to see if somebody comes along and fcuks the fruit (with your
iPhone ready so you can upload their action onto Youtube).
d.
They
ask the manager of the supermarket what it means and whether the sign is an
invitation to do as it suggests.
e.
They
wonder aloud what fruit is so bad or delicious that it deserves to be ‘fcuked’?
f.
A
husband may say to his wife, ‘Honey, I think we are at a wrong place. This
place is for sex deviants and weirdoes.’
All of these are
highly plausible because these days, people think nothing of doing something
outrageous to get a bit of attention, fame, notoriety in Youtube.
Hey you guys, if
you do come across such a sign in a supermarket or anywhere in