6. Sex after Sixty (Continued)

Episode 2: Winnie’s Story

[Charles, George and James sit in a sofa.  They all have their birthday suit on.  Winnie sits in an armchair facing the men.  As a guest speaker, she is not required to go naked, but she is happy to oblige and wears nothing but lipsticks, eye shadow, Mascara and dangling earrings.  Nothing with mass can defy the Law of Gravity, but for a woman in her sixties, Winnie is absolutely gorgeous.  The men seem nervous, fidgety and apprehensive.  The woman, on the other hand, is well at ease and beams with confidence.]

“Guys, I’m so excited to meet you three again – and of all places, at a nudist camp!” she said with a big smile and batting eyelashes.  “When Bob told me that you guys are here at the camp, I just have to ask him to arrange this get-together for us.  So, how’re you guys?”

[There is maintained eye contact among all four, but the room is so quiet you can hear a pin drop.  The men apparently need a bit more encouragement.]

“Well, let’s start with you, Charles.  How’s life treating you these days – still play golf on the weekends?” she asked with a tone that is more accusative than inquisitive.

“Let’s cut the crap, Winnie!  You know very well this camp is for men with erectile dysfunction.  No, I don’t play golf any more.  I bet you’re dying to hear that!”  Charles screamed, his face turning a strange red.

“Oh, Charles dear, you still have such a temper.  You need to calm down.  It isn’t good for your blood pressure screaming like that.”

“I’m not screaming!”  Charles screamed again.

“OK. I can see that for some reason you feel that I’m responsible for you not being to play golf again.  But believe me when I say GOLF is just a game, Charles, you can be perfectly happy even if you can’t play GOLF ever again.”  Winnie said in a soft and comforting tone.  [Charles is at a loss what to say because he isn’t sure if Winnie is talking about golf or actually referring to something else.  Winnie knows Charles is stunned which is where she wants him.  She now turns your attention to George.]

“How about you George, what are you UP TO these days?”

“Nothing, Winnie, nothing is up –” George answered, trying to ignore the intended punt in the question. “I took early retirement and started learning to play music --”

“Oh, really?  What instrument do you play?”

“The flute.”

“How interesting, George!  I thought most flutists are women.  I guess you’ve finally got in touch with your feminine side.” 

[While George is scrambling for a decent response, James decides Winnie has had enough fun with the men.  In a typical court room maneuver, he takes on the offensive.] 

“Well, Winnie, we haven’t heard from you for ten years.  Why don’t tell us about yourself?  How did you become an EXPERT ON SEX?” 

“Yeah!  We’d like to hear all the details!” said George, appreciating the rescue from James.

“Yeah!  Don’t leave anything out!” Charles pitched in, eager to put Winnie on the spot.

“Alright, guys, I’m not an expert on sex.  I study human relationships.  Sex is only one of the many ways people relate to one another.”

“But Bob introduced you as a sexologist!”

“Yes, he did, but only to grab the audience’s attention.  Most men have a fixation on sex.”  [She stares at the men as she speaks.]  “After I left Hong Kong, I stayed with my sister who lived in Paris.  I was studying French at a school for foreign students.  There I met Alain Mitterrand who was my instructor.  He’s twenty years old, well-built and good looking.  His eyes reminded me of Alain Delon.  Remember Alain Delon – the actor?”

“Yeah, the one who acted in many French gangster movies and always got shot at the end, right?” said Charles.

“So what happened – Winnie?  Did you shoot him, huh?”  James asked, chuckling.

“Behave, James!  [Pause]  We fell in love at first sight and we were married before the first school term was over --”

“Wasn’t he a bit YOUNG for you?” George interrupted.

“Well, he didn’t think so, George…and I certainly wasn’t complaining.  He’s so vigorous -- he and I were going at it all the time --”

“Alright, STOP!  You may skip this part.  We’re not interested in your marital rituals!” 

“But I thought you said you wanted all the details.”

“Well, not this part – Winnie!”

“OK.  As I said he’s very vigorous and I gave birth to triplets a year later.”

“Triplets!  Now that’s wonderful!”

“They’re fraternal and are all boys.  I named them Charles, George and James,” Winnie said with a grin.

“What?  You named your boys after us?”

“Yes, they were so cute and cuddly -- they reminded me of you three,” Winnie smiled coyly at the men as they turned into churned butter inside. 

“Is Alain DELON a good father?”

“He was -- for a year or so.”

“A year or so?”

“We were separated a year after the boys were born.”

“Oh?”

“Alain’s too young to stay put, and I -- I fell in love with someone closer to my age, so we got a divorce.”

“Yet, you keep his surname -- why?” 

“Because I’m married to Claude Mitterrand.”

“Another Mitterrand -- I didn’t know ‘Mitterrand’ is such a common surname.”

“Well, it’s not that common -- you see -- I married Alain’s father!” 

“Huh?”  [The men are dazed.  With mouth wide open and eyes bulging, they look like three goldfish sitting on a sofa.] 

“Is Claude a good father -- I mean -- grandfather?” one goldfish managed to ask.

“Yes, he is -- both.”

“And Alain, your ex – uh -- your son, is he taking this ok?” another goldfish added to the confusion.

“Yes, of course.  He’s very, very close to his sons -- his brothers.” 

“I’m glad we’ve got this all sorted out,” another goldfish who is a lawyer said. “I suppose this’ all legal?”

“Of course it’s, James -- this happens all the time!”  [Not in Hong Kong! Not in the 21^st Century!]

“Now I know why you’re an expert on human relationships.  You’ve got lots of practice!”  George observed.

“Well, guys, this conversation is getting interesting.  I wish we can talk more, but we have an early session tomorrow, and it’s kind of late.  I should retire to my room now --it’s nice seeing you guys again!”  [Without warning, she gets up, walks to the men, kisses each on the cheek, taking great care to avoid accidental touching of other body parts, then turns around and glides toward the hallway.  The men sit still on the sofa, their eyes following Winnie who soon disappears.  They feel a hot rush that starts from their cheeks where Winnie kissed earlier and spreads slowly downward, soon reaching the tip of their toes.  It is a sensation they have not felt for a very long time -- ten years to be exact.] 

- To be continued -