8. The Devil’s Diary (Continued)

 Day Six: Gluttony, Laziness and Pride

This trio (Gluttony, Laziness and Pride) wraps up the Seven Deadly Sins.  I shall spend a bit of time on each of them.  Gluttony as a sin is probably the most talked about but least understood: why do some people eat to such excess as to put their health at risk, not to mention ruining their appearance and self-image?  “Wait a minute!” someone yelled, “Wait a god damn minute!  We are fat and we are BEAUTIFUL!  Shut up or we’ll put your skinny ass on a grill!  We love barbecue!”   To these happy fat gluttons, I offer my sincere apology.  It is your life and you alone should decide how you wish to appear to the world, and I would never want to stand between you and your barbecued ribs and chicken wings!  

“It isn’t my fault!” someone else protested, “I don’t want to be fat!  I too would love to wear the latest skinny, tight-fitting fashion, but when I see food, I just can’t pass it up, and I can’t stop until it’s all gone down my throat…every last bit of it!   Some scientists are talking about a “fat gene”, so maybe I am destined to be fat…it isn’t my fault!”   Well, science is not my strong suite, but I know if scientists look hard enough for something, sooner or later they will find what they are looking for.  Pretty soon, there will be a gene for everything.  So you can, if you choose, blame it on your “fat genes”.  I will not quibble with you on that.  As a matter of fact, if we can delete any sins from the list of seven, I will propose Gluttony as the first to go.  Fat people have plenty to worry about.  They suffer high incidence for all sorts of known diseases and they are discriminated by employers, airlines, and fashion designers.  The last thing they need is the additional sense of quilt as a sinner!

“What about God?  Is he fat or skinny?” someone finally asked.   Well, since someone popped the question, I feel obliged to answer.  God used to be fit and slim at the beginning, but now he is getting round and bulging at the middle, just like some of you.  I, on the other hand (in case you would like to know), am as slim and fit as ever.  It must be due to the hellish fire that’s burning eternal in my belly.  In scientific lingo, I have a much higher basal metabolic rate than God, and I will never get fat.

What about laziness?  Is it sinful to be lazy?  People have a saying: “Need is the mother of invention.”  I believe they missed the mark.  I say laziness is the mother of invention.  Everything from washing machine, elevator, automobile to electric tooth brush and TV remote control, etc. were invented so people don’t have to move a single muscle unless they want to, and many don’t move a muscle except when they chew and swallow food.  So they just sit around and get fat.  Instead of getting up and do exercise, they will reach for the bottle of slimming pills – another “smart” inventionborn out of laziness.  This “lazy” culture has gotten ingrained in our society so much so now we can’t survive without all these labor-saving, muscle-wasting inventions.  It will be impractical and hypocritical to insist on calling laziness a sin when our entire economy is built around gadgets that promote and profiteer on our laziness.

This brings us to the last on the list of sins: Pride.  I have no idea the rationale behind putting pride on the sin list.  As far as I am concerned, you all should be very proud of what you have achieved.  You have come a long way from Eden.  I applaud your ingenuity and steadfastness and I am proud of you.  While I dare not speak on behalf of God, I know he too is very proud of you…I know because he keeps boasting about you whenever we have a chance to chat.

“Excuse me, dear Devil, I’m much confused.  Who made up this list of sins anyway?” one of you finally asked.  That’s a very good question, one that I’ve been waiting for all this time.  Those of you who have read the Bible would know that the list of sins did not come from the Bible.  It came from people who studied the Bible intensively and decided that they should make up a list of things that good people must refrain from doing in order to maintain their good status.  It’s important to know that they compiled the list without consulting God.  They couldn’t have because none of them had any access to God even though they all claimed otherwise.  They didn’t consult me either because they were generally scared of me and besides, consorting with the Devil was and still is considered to be very, very bad behavior.

So my last two bits on this treatise on sins are that you are never sinful in the eyes of God.  All your desires and tendencies are a natural part of what you are.  As a matter of fact, your behavior reminds God a lot of himself!  As long as you are true to yourself, you may indulge in any and all your desires and it will be perfectly fine with God and me.  As I said earlier, we are both very proud of you!

It took me six days to tell my story on sins.  Thank you for listening.  Now I should take a day off and do my wicked things.  You should go out and enjoy yourself too…but don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

                                                                                The Devil  

[The End of Chapter 8]