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Best Divorce Letter, ever! 離 婚
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Sidddney Chen |
資料提供者 |
2014年3月10日 |
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親愛的丈夫 :
我將要離開你了. 20年來我不是個好妻子, 尤其是過去兩週.
致電公司竟說你已辭職 .
就以上週你完全沒發現我的新髮型, 我為你做的好菜你兩分鐘便吃完, 以及我穿的薄紗晚服. 你看電視後就一句不發去睡了.
不要找我, 我與你的兄弟去紐西蘭過新生活了.
你的前妻.
丈夫回應 :
親愛的 :
你的離婚信確實使我震驚. 但我也承認妳不是個好女人.
我故意集中看電視以免被妳的嘮叨煩惱. 我有注意到妳的新髮型,
可是妳看起來像個男人, 我不便評論, 因我從小被教育不隨便發表意見 . 至於我喜歡的好菜不是烤蝦, 那是我兄弟喜歡的, 我已多年沒吃蝦了. 妳穿的性感晚服還貼著價牌, 是 299.99 元. 那天我兄弟向我借了 300 元, 我很希望是巧合 . 所以我裝沒看到.
不管如何, 我還愛妳, 我們還可修復關係, 所以我在中了兩千萬的樂
透彩那天 , 我便辭職不幹, 買了兩張歐洲機票準備與妳共行.
誰知道妳已離家, 我想一切事故發生都有前因後果. 我的律師知道你
寫了這樣的信, 不須把我的財富分妳一半, 而我還是祝福妳的未來美好.
你的前夫
喔, 忘記告訴妳, 我的兄弟天生有同性戀傾向, 希望妳不介意 .
My Dear husband:
I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw. Last week, you came home & you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Wife. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!
REPLY:
Dear Ex-wife, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn't work any more. I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy!' Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment......and when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten prawns for 7 years. About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $299.99 price tag was still on it, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $300 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I won the $20 million Lotto, on Saturday, I left my job & bought 2 tickets for us to Paris , but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a Dollar from me.
So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
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